I recently worked with a young woman who had been severely depressed and suicidal. In our session, she seemed more upbeat and I asked what had shifted for her?
She told me that she had an experience of people "fighting for her" with regard to trying to get her insurance company to pay a claim on her behalf so she could continue to stay at the Healing Center. She told me, the Center will get paid no matter who takes up my spot. And you'll get paid, no matter which client you see....so for them to fight for ME to be here, when any body would do, makes me feel worthy.
"I see" I replied, and then I continued with my usual ball busting ways..."I hate to break this to you, but that's not going to work." She looked at me confused. I continued, "What if they hadn't fought for you...would that then make you "unworthy?"
Suddenly she could see my point and her energy deflated.
I went on to let her know that any attempt we make to source our worthiness from the outside is a mis-appropriation of power. When we believe that our worthiness comes from other people- whether other's like us, love us, pay attention to us, or fight for us-- we have given them the power to decide. And then we are in flux. Always dependent on whether things are going well, or not. Whether we are being attended to, or not. Eventually, we will begin to fight for attention, for love...in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. We'll go looking in the strangest places for relief from an emptiness that can never be filled. Depression sets in. And we can feel lost and alone.
I told her the only way she could know if she's worthy, was to look inside and see....
She responded with "Huh?!"
So I said it again....your worthiness cannot come from the outside....for if it did, it would be dependent on outside experiences and subject to change. Worthiness, is an absolute. It's either there, or it isn't. So let's find out...."Go inside yourself and find one thing that makes you worthy"
She closed her eyes and sat quietly. For a really really long time. I sat quietly with her, knowing that I could not prompt her, or gift her by telling her all the beautiful things I could see...she had to see it for herself. So we sat.
After about 10 minutes she said "I'm here."
And I said "Yes, sweetheart. That you are here must mean you are worthy to be here." And because I'm a cosmic ass kicker, I asked her to find something else within that made her worthy.
So she closed her eyes and looked again. Quiet. Still. Looking. After about 5 minutes, she opened her eyes, and said "I want to be here!"
And I said "Isn't that wonderful?! Wanting to be where you are feels amazing." And we both had tears in our eyes. "Find another one...." and she looked again.
"I am kind to my friends" she said.
"I'll bet you are." I replied. "Find another one...because you can always find one more!"
And she did find one more....and for homework, I told her to find three more after that. And she did.
This kind of worthiness. It can't be taken away. It came from deep within herself. It's true. It's what she sees. And it's so so beautiful.